cute kitty/spawn of satan
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yes, you’ve probably met this kitty before…….. I am the cutest creature you have seen all day. you know you want to pet me. I want you to pet me. ha ha ha ha…. look at me, i’m a frisky little kitty. i can’t hurt you. i’m too itty bitty. come here. 
you can’t resist me. pet me. love me. ooooh. I like that. look at me, i’m so tiny and cute. oooh, this is great REEEEEEHHHHH slice scratch draw blood. damn you kitty cat! (cat gets thrown across the room). You’re the devil, cat!
yeah, that’s right, you know the kitty i’m talking about. This may have even been your kitty. Ummm… by the way. I do not condone throwing kitties across the room. that’s wack. mega wack. Although I admit i’ve probably sent a cat or two on an airborne journey, i have to say, do as I say and not as I do. It’s best for kitty. And trust me (this comes from experience), if you don’t treat your kitty really nice, your poor little kitty will get mean. You don’t want your poor little kitty to get mean. Treat kitty like the regal creature that he thinks he is. or she. although we all know that no matter how regal they think they are they’re just some goofy little mammals that frequently have their tounge accidentally sticking out. And they do silly shit all the time. But they think they’re the most perfect beings to grace our existence. I suppose they are pretty cool. But come on, they could get over themselves a bit dont you think?